People react differently the first time they hear the name Quackenbush. I've been asked for my real name. I've quietly admired those who valiantly suppress an involuntary giggle (hey- at least they tried). I've quietly ignored snide comments from the ignorant and downtrodden. Those not fluent in English are often oblivious or slightly puzzled.

Many with other interesting surnames ask if I was picked on as a kid. Yes. It made me stronger. Sticks and stones. I reached adulthood before learning that spoken words can lead directly to broken bones.

A few individuals have the remarkably good taste to exclaim "what a great name!" We think so too.

How do you spell that?
Is it spelled with a C or a K? (no)

You: "(patiently)Queue-You-Aye-Sea-Kay-'E-En-Bee-You-Es-Aitch"
Them: "Oh, it's spelled exactly like it sounds!"

It's amazing how long it takes some people to find Q in the alphabet. I understand why many people start at K, but when that fails why do they head toward A instead of Z?

"Hello, I'm calling on behalf of ScamCorp. May I speak to Mister Kwuh, Mr. Quake, Mr. uh..."
(Sorry, he's not here right now. May I put you on hold while I run out for a round of golf?)

What kind/nationality of name is that? (Dutch. No, not Deutch. Holland. The Netherlands. Yes, Amsterdam. No, and I don't drink either.)

Do you play hockey? (not since that accident in the eighth grade, and I'm too young to be a 50's NHL fan)

Any relation? (This is my favorite. I used to ask 'to who?' but now I just say 'only distantly', since it seems to shut them up faster.)

Do you know <so and so>? (maybe. who's asking?)

Have you seen that Marx Brothers movie? (yes)

How do you spell that? (see above)

Are you Canadian? (not yet)

• Quack
• Quacky
• Quacker
• Quackers
• Quacks
• Quacko
• Quackenweed
• Quackensack
• Quackenbean
• Quackerbush
• Quackenbum
• Quackenbutt
• Ducky
• Ducks
• Duckenbush
• Duckenbutt
• Mr/Mrs/Ms. Q
• Doctor Q (honorific)
• Queue
• (Major) Boothroyd (code name 'Q')
• Tweetintree (an Umbach original)
• Blinkenstaff